One thing I don't have a problem accomplishing is starting. I rock in this department. Give me a spark of an idea, and I run. Take this blog for example. Once upon a time, I started a blog, a different one than the one you're reading now. I spent a lot of time and energy making it perfect. I wanted this blog to shine for all the millions of subscribers that would be knocking down my new URL. Nevermind the part where I was highly unlikely to post content.
This blog was a creation of mine, birthed from a desire to communicate the passions of my heart. However, I didn't have the capacity nor clarity. This place I poured my heart into, turned into a place of pressure and burden before it was even out of the gates. No longer an exciting passion, but something I should do. So I set it aside, often being reminded of the time and money I spent to get it started. In all reality, priority wise, it was far down the list, turning my desire into a webpage that no longer exists.
So, here I am once again, starting. Partially because GoDaddy makes my brain hurt, and Squarespace eases those pains, and partly because this idea of communicating what God is doing in my life won't go away, despite my lack of grammar and editing skills. However, something God is revealing to me is to just be obedient, even if it's to do something, not to completion. That God has something for me in the obedience, and it is him and him alone who determines the outcome.
As I begin again, I hesitate. Telling myself, "Here you go again, Jena. Starting something you know good and well you won't finish and forget about in a week. You have a to-do list a mile long, and you want to start something NEW. You know you're crazy, right?" This emotional battle is one I often fight because I'm a starter and this isn't my first rodeo.
So in spite of my hesitation, I humbly come to Jesus with a heart that desires to submit. I thankfully have a 14-day free trial, so I still have an option to back out if obedience is simply to post this one post during my 38 days of.....
(This is the part where my stream of consciousness comes in, as God is revealing this as I'm typing it.) I need to come up with a catchy title for this period before I start my new job in August. Thirty-eight days of.. Rest..., Obedience..., Submission... I think that's it! Submission! Woah. God is crazy to reveal this. My husband and I had a conversation last night on this topic, and at the time I didn't realize it, but as I type this, I'm seeing how this area is a challenge for me. The fact God revealed this as I start my first blog post is a little crazy. Submission is quite the controversial topic in the day and age of individualism. Why would I want to start a blog where the first subject isn't going to win friends? That's how my God works. It's not about me, but about his glory. These 38 days are a complete gift from him, and I want to use this time for his glory, not my own. So here we go...